Last week I received a package in the mail from Japan and was surprised and sooo excited when I saw that it was from one of my favorite people-- my former student and current friend, Pyongan. So excited! *Pyongan is funny, sincere, thoughtful, hardworking, determined, smart, engaging, and has a smile that lights up a room-- so full of life!* I opened the box, which contained a woven, hanging scroll style 2012 calendar. Cool! I looked further to find a letter. But there wasn't one. ?? I kept looking, thinking it might be in the bottom of the box or stuck to the inside. But no. There wasn't one. THEN, it hit me. I realized-- he couldn't send a letter, because that would have increased the postage by ￥1000. (= more than $11) This is true. The Japanese post office charges you for including a letter in a package. I am not making this up. This is not a joke. Although it did seem like a cruel joke every time I encountered it. I remember the first time. I was mailing a birthday present to Mia in the States. The lady at the post office weighed the box and told me that the postage would cost about ￥1300. Then she said, 'There's not a letter in here, right?' What?? Of course there's a letter in there! Who sends someone a package without a letter in it?! 'Um, yes, there is.' She recalculates the postage...and the new price shows up on the register...￥2285. WHAAAT?! Are you kidding me??!! You didn't ask me if this package contains flammables, liquids, weapons, or live animals! You asked me if it contained a letter! A 'yes' reply to that question increased the postage price (which is already insanely expensive) by ￥1000?!? I am shocked and going broke. What the heck? The charge is not for added weight. It is for a sheet of paper with a message written on it. Later, I asked my friend, Matsumura San, about this. Her daughter, Yumi, was in college in D.C., so I figured she had encountered the same thing. She told me that she never includes letters in the packages she sends to Yumi...she just writes a note to her on the inside flap of the box. Huh...that's creative. I make a mental note (which is free!) to do the same thing next time, or to just mail a letter in a separate envelope for ￥105. BUT.....I forgot!! I mean, you'd think I would remember because it was such a shocking and expensive experience...but, my whole life I've been including letters in packages, so it's just so natural [LOL!] that I completely space out the insane post office rule. So...once again, I'm asked if there's a letter in the box I'm mailing. AAAAAH! YES! ;\ Yes, there is. Okay, new plan-- because, really, I can't write a very long message on the inside flap of the box...Plus, Japanese stationary is so cool, it's a waste to never get to use it (もったいない)-- so, my idea is to not go anymore to that post office where they know me. I'll go to a different one and fake like I don't understand the question, hoping (and expecting) that they'll just give me the benefit of the doubt, finding me-- by language-incompetence-default-- 'not guilty' of including a letter in the present I'm mailing. This plan also fails. I am so angry about the pure stupidity of having to pay double postage for putting a letter in the package that I ask why? [LOL!] I just realized that to an American audience, it won't seem like asking, "Why?", is an event that would require getting riled up and over-the-top angry. :D BUT, in Japan, no one asks, "Why?" People just follow the rules. To ask is confrontational, and Japanese people don't do that. (in general) So, having me ask, 'Why does the postage increase so much if there's a letter in the package?' probably felt very unnerving to the postal clerks. The lady helping me, all of a sudden, looked very worried. She didn't answer my question...she just continued pushing keys on the computer, while it seemed that sweat would start to form on her brow. If there was a security call button under the counter, I'm sure she had her finger on it. Thankfully the police were probably busy dealing with more serious crimes like stolen laundry [more to come in my next post] so they didn't respond to the call for back-up to deal with the American girl at the post office asking, "Why?" I'm surprised, actually, that the clerks knew the answer...I can't imagine that they would have ever asked their 先輩 (more experienced co-workers) why they had to charge customers double price for a letter. It must have been written into their manual. The reason for the insane charge is: if there is a personal letter included in a package, the postal staff isn't allowed to open the package to inspect it-- out of respect for the privacy of the content of the letter; the package will instead have to be inspected by a machine, which is apparently more costly. "I don't care if you open the box and read my letter", I reply. Confrontational. I mean, I'm joking and smiling big, but this kind of rule-rebellion is no joking matter for Japanese employees...and I'm sure they don't think it's funny. And there's no chance that they will actually allow my box to be put into the ￥1000 less expensive, letter-not-included pile of packages to be searched by hand and risk someone reading my letter. UGH! SO FRUSTRATING!!! What makes it worse-- or just more annoying-- is that I forget this rule repeatedly (??!!), so every time I mail a package and am asked the question, I get caught totally off-guard...the horror shows on my face...so I can't even play it off like I don't understand or just say no. The post office is my least favorite place to go in Japan. By far. THEN, it gets worse. I know-- it seems like this would be the extent of torture that a service-oriented Japanese government agency could inflict on customers who want to share awesome Japanese goods with their friends and family overseas. But, things are not as they seem. Another day, at another post office, I asked the clerk to put postage on a postcard and mail it. I knew right away something was wrong when she took it behind the counter, pulled out a guidebook and ruler, and started discussing with two other postal clerks. I looked at my friend, Chris, not sure if I should crack up laughing or roll my eyes. What could it be?? Clearly there was some serious problem with mailing this post card if it required a 4-centimeter thick guidebook and consultation with multiple people. After a few minutes, the clerk returns to tell me that she can't mail the post card because it's not regulation size. It's 1 cm shorter than standard postcards. Small items cannot be mailed because they could get lost in the mail. She presents me with the following page which she kindly copied out of the guidebook for my future reference.
OhMyGosh. Are you kidding me? Of course not. I do realize that very small items have a greater chance of getting lost in the mail. And I can agree that there may need to be some standard regarding the size of items mailed. But we are talking about a post card that is A centimeter- ONE!- shorter than the standard! I'm not trying to mail a business card. I can't believe this is my real life. Everyone's real life in this country. I mean, I guess everyone doesn't encounter this because most people never try to mail something that's not regulation size. I take the acceptable-size-mail guidelines handbook photocopy and thank the clerk while trying not to bust out laughing as Chris and I exchange looks of disbelief. The next day I went to a different post office, bought a postcard stamp, put it on my postcard, and dropped it in the mailbox myself. やった! ;D Triumph over the system! LOL.
As I wrote a couple posts ago, we have a new school rule banning short socks. Here is the poster that was distributed to clarify which lengths of socks are banned-- as indicated by the infamous "batsu" X. The acceptable sock lengths are those with a "maru" circle above them. This is still crazy to me.
The rules in this country are truly hard to believe-- hard to believe what they are and how many there are. It's like the whole country (well, maybe mostly jr. high.....but not only jr. high!) is an altar boy boarding school. I'm not exaggerating. I mean if it wasn't my real life, I would not believe it. If I was reading this blog instead of writing it, I would definitely think it was just ridiculous. BUT, I hope that you will believe what you read, because it's true-- even though it's ridiculous.
Today I received the "Seasonal Change of Uniform" notice on my desk. Starting today, students are allowed to start transitioning from their winter uniforms to their spring/summer uniforms. This means that they can wear short sleeves if they want to, and girls don't have to wear their vests. This transition must be completed by June 13, meaning that after that date girls won't be allowed to wear vests anymore, and no one will be allowed to wear long sleeves. Even if we have cold weather. We've already had several days of weather in the high 70s, but no one was allowed to wear short sleeves because it wasn't one-week-before-June (i.e. May 23) yet. The acceptable uniforms are dictated by the typical weather patterns of the calendar, without regard for the actual weather conditions. Who thinks this makes sense? [NOTE: Short sleeve shirts and vests cannot be worn together. Vests are only permitted to be worn over long sleeve shirts.]
Other school rules include:
-No plucking or trimming your eyebrows. (This doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at school...It means you're not allowed to pluck or trim them at all-- not even at home.)
-Keep your fingernails clipped short. (Or else, you will be made to go to the staff room and clip them over the trash can before you can go back to class.)-Girls whose hair is longer than shoulder-length must tie it back with an elastic-- or two, but not three-- that is either brown, black, or navy blue.
-No clipping your hair in the front.
-No perming or straightening your hair.-No colored socks-- only white.
-During cold weather-- which according to the school calendar is Sept. 26-May 23-- if you wear a coat, gloves, or a scarf, they must be navy blue, black, gray, brown, or white.
-No bringing backpacks into the staff room.-No wearing sports team uniforms in the staff room.
-Girls may not wear pants, except for when wearing sports uniforms.
-Boys must button their Mandarin collar suit jackets up all the way to the top button (or not wear them at all). If you take your jacket off, you must also take your sweater off because sweaters are not allowed to be seen, even though they're allowed to be worn.
-P.E. uniform jackets must be zipped up all the way to the top (or not worn at all).
-No going into any classroom other than your own.
-No spending the night at a friend's house.
-No going to an arcade without parent supervision.
-No stickers or key chains on school bags or gym bags.
-No food of any kind is allowed to be brought to school. (You must persevere through the hunger (and pay attention in class) for the approximately 5 hours between when you eat breakfast around 7 or 8, have morning tennis, soccer, baseball, or volleyball practice...maybe have P.E. and when you eat lunch at 12:55.)
-Mints are also strictly forbidden.-Of course, no make-up, nail polish, or pierced ears.
-Even for teachers, there isn't supposed to be eating at school, other than lunch...Unless the food was given to you as a present from another staff member. [This loophole makes the whole rule even more incomprehensible.] **CONFESSION: I have actually snuck a Tupperware container of peanut butter toast into the bathroom at school and eaten it in the stall because I couldn't last the 6 hours between breakfast and lunch. WHAAAT?! Who does this?? This is my real life. This is my real life? This is my real life! OHmyGOSH. I'm always wishing that someone would bring back peanut butter toast for a staff room present.
I think there are many dozen more school rules, but many of them have become so commonplace to me now that I can't even remember them. OH! I almost forgot...There is a new school rule this year: Girls are not allowed to wear short socks. Of all the rules, this one brought the biggest surprise recently. I thought we already had every conceivable rule, but some teachers managed to think up another one! Aah, one more...this is an elementary school rule: (Are you ready for this?! I can almost not even write it without laughing out loud at the absurdity of it.) No putting your hands in your pockets. (If you do, teachers may use packing tape to seal your pockets shut.)
Outside of school there are innumerable societal expectations that regulate everyone's lives, even though they may not be written.
-Be quiet on trains.
-No eating or drinking on trains.
-No eating or drinking while walking.
-Water is mainly for washing, not drinking. You are allowed to drink water, but you will get questions and strange looks. And if you order it at Starbucks, they will give you a 2 oz. shot of water, which you will have already drunk by the time you walk to your table.-At staff dinner parties and other official functions, there is to be no drinking before the official "kampai" (cheers). Even if you're thirsty and there is a beverage in front of you, you may not take a sip.
-Women should not sit cross-legged when sitting on the floor in restaurants or homes. Sit in seiza. **NOTE from Wikipedia: "Those unfamiliar with seiza will likely find that maintaining it for more than a minute or two tends to lead to loss of circulation, with the accompanying 'pins and needles' feeling, followed by painful burning sensations, and then eventually complete numbness in the legs." Awesome.
-Wearing sunglasses is really, really unusual, so if you wear them, you will definitely get lots of comments about how cool you are and how you look like a Hollywood star. You will have to explain again and again and again how light-colored eyes are more sensitive to the sun...and contort your face to demonstrate how if you're not wearing sunglasses you have to squint when it's bright outside. All of this is just embarrassing. Especially because it's really frowned upon in this culture to draw attention to yourself. (As though you're wearing sunglasses in an attempt to draw attention to yourself and make everyone think you're ultra cool!) ;D
It's hard for me to recall all the rules and expectations that used to be news to me but now just seem normal. ;D The rules in Japan that make me the most crazy are the post office rules. They require an entry of their own. Stay tuned...
