Most Frustrating Place in Japan: The Post Office

Last week I received a package in the mail from Japan and was surprised and sooo excited when I saw that it was from one of my favorite people-- my former student and current friend, Pyongan. So excited! *Pyongan is funny, sincere, thoughtful, hardworking, determined, smart, engaging, and has a smile that lights up a room-- so full of life!* I opened the box, which contained a woven, hanging scroll style 2012 calendar. Cool! I looked further to find a letter. But there wasn't one. ?? I kept looking, thinking it might be in the bottom of the box or stuck to the inside. But no. There wasn't one. THEN, it hit me. I realized-- he couldn't send a letter, because that would have increased the postage by ￥1000. (= more than $11) This is true. The Japanese post office charges you for including a letter in a package. I am not making this up. This is not a joke. Although it did seem like a cruel joke every time I encountered it. I remember the first time. I was mailing a birthday present to Mia in the States. The lady at the post office weighed the box and told me that the postage would cost about ￥1300. Then she said, 'There's not a letter in here, right?' What?? Of course there's a letter in there! Who sends someone a package without a letter in it?! 'Um, yes, there is.' She recalculates the postage...and the new price shows up on the register...￥2285. WHAAAT?! Are you kidding me??!! You didn't ask me if this package contains flammables, liquids, weapons, or live animals! You asked me if it contained a letter! A 'yes' reply to that question increased the postage price (which is already insanely expensive) by ￥1000?!? I am shocked and going broke. What the heck? The charge is not for added weight. It is for a sheet of paper with a message written on it. Later, I asked my friend, Matsumura San, about this. Her daughter, Yumi, was in college in D.C., so I figured she had encountered the same thing. She told me that she never includes letters in the packages she sends to Yumi...she just writes a note to her on the inside flap of the box. Huh...that's creative. I make a mental note (which is free!) to do the same thing next time, or to just mail a letter in a separate envelope for ￥105. BUT.....I forgot!! I mean, you'd think I would remember because it was such a shocking and expensive experience...but, my whole life I've been including letters in packages, so it's just so natural [LOL!] that I completely space out the insane post office rule. So...once again, I'm asked if there's a letter in the box I'm mailing. AAAAAH! YES! ;\ Yes, there is. Okay, new plan-- because, really, I can't write a very long message on the inside flap of the box...Plus, Japanese stationary is so cool, it's a waste to never get to use it (もったいない)-- so, my idea is to not go anymore to that post office where they know me. I'll go to a different one and fake like I don't understand the question, hoping (and expecting) that they'll just give me the benefit of the doubt, finding me-- by language-incompetence-default-- 'not guilty' of including a letter in the present I'm mailing. This plan also fails. I am so angry about the pure stupidity of having to pay double postage for putting a letter in the package that I ask why? [LOL!] I just realized that to an American audience, it won't seem like asking, "Why?", is an event that would require getting riled up and over-the-top angry. :D BUT, in Japan, no one asks, "Why?" People just follow the rules. To ask is confrontational, and Japanese people don't do that. (in general) So, having me ask, 'Why does the postage increase so much if there's a letter in the package?' probably felt very unnerving to the postal clerks. The lady helping me, all of a sudden, looked very worried. She didn't answer my question...she just continued pushing keys on the computer, while it seemed that sweat would start to form on her brow. If there was a security call button under the counter, I'm sure she had her finger on it. Thankfully the police were probably busy dealing with more serious crimes like stolen laundry [more to come in my next post] so they didn't respond to the call for back-up to deal with the American girl at the post office asking, "Why?" I'm surprised, actually, that the clerks knew the answer...I can't imagine that they would have ever asked their 先輩 (more experienced co-workers) why they had to charge customers double price for a letter. It must have been written into their manual. The reason for the insane charge is: if there is a personal letter included in a package, the postal staff isn't allowed to open the package to inspect it-- out of respect for the privacy of the content of the letter; the package will instead have to be inspected by a machine, which is apparently more costly. "I don't care if you open the box and read my letter", I reply. Confrontational. I mean, I'm joking and smiling big, but this kind of rule-rebellion is no joking matter for Japanese employees...and I'm sure they don't think it's funny. And there's no chance that they will actually allow my box to be put into the ￥1000 less expensive, letter-not-included pile of packages to be searched by hand and risk someone reading my letter. UGH! SO FRUSTRATING!!! What makes it worse-- or just more annoying-- is that I forget this rule repeatedly (??!!), so every time I mail a package and am asked the question, I get caught totally off-guard...the horror shows on my face...so I can't even play it off like I don't understand or just say no. The post office is my least favorite place to go in Japan. By far. THEN, it gets worse. I know-- it seems like this would be the extent of torture that a service-oriented Japanese government agency could inflict on customers who want to share awesome Japanese goods with their friends and family overseas. But, things are not as they seem. Another day, at another post office, I asked the clerk to put postage on a postcard and mail it. I knew right away something was wrong when she took it behind the counter, pulled out a guidebook and ruler, and started discussing with two other postal clerks. I looked at my friend, Chris, not sure if I should crack up laughing or roll my eyes. What could it be?? Clearly there was some serious problem with mailing this post card if it required a 4-centimeter thick guidebook and consultation with multiple people. After a few minutes, the clerk returns to tell me that she can't mail the post card because it's not regulation size. It's 1 cm shorter than standard postcards. Small items cannot be mailed because they could get lost in the mail. She presents me with the following page which she kindly copied out of the guidebook for my future reference.


OhMyGosh. Are you kidding me? Of course not. I do realize that very small items have a greater chance of getting lost in the mail. And I can agree that there may need to be some standard regarding the size of items mailed. But we are talking about a post card that is A centimeter- ONE!- shorter than the standard! I'm not trying to mail a business card. I can't believe this is my real life. Everyone's real life in this country. I mean, I guess everyone doesn't encounter this because most people never try to mail something that's not regulation size. I take the acceptable-size-mail guidelines handbook photocopy and thank the clerk while trying not to bust out laughing as Chris and I exchange looks of disbelief. The next day I went to a different post office, bought a postcard stamp, put it on my postcard, and dropped it in the mailbox myself. やった! ;D Triumph over the system! LOL.

And another thing...

Coffee shops close early!! I just went out-- at 10:30-- and couldn't find an open one! I went to three, at least one of which used to be open until 11:00. Sad. I remember now...thinking that stuff here closed early, but I had forgotten. I'm used to Starbucks being open until midnight. Bummer!

Something else I noticed yesterday but hadn't fully thought through was that when I was at the bank exchanging my yen, a line started forming behind me and my immediate response was to feel sorry. I thought of telling the teller to help them first and that I could wait. But then I realized that it was okay for me to be helped first because I was there first. I thought...this is a very Japanese response-- feeling concerned for those other people and not wanting to cause a problem for them. I mean, I don't think Americans want to cause problems for other people, but I don't think most Americans-- including myself pre-Japan-- would have thought to let the other customers go ahead of them.

A Return to American Life

Having been back in the States for a week now, these are my thoughts and observations...

I miss karaoke.
I miss using o-hashi (chopsticks) every day...I haven't yet had a meal that would be most easily eaten with chopsticks.
The airports are noisy.
There are SO MANY white people everywhere!
So many people have tattoos.
America is so much more casual than Japan. たとえば: The Zumba instructor at the gym deciding on-the-spot which song to choose from her iPod play list for the next routine...as opposed to my Japanese Zumba teacher, 木村さん, who always has mix CDs cued up with the songs in order. Also, while I was meeting with a staff member at the school district office to sign my teaching contract and other paperwork, another employee walked in and greeted that staff member with a hug.....during work! while she was doing business with me! A hug!?!
I miss karaoke.
Drinks at restaurants are HUGE, and the servers keep refilling and refilling your glass even if it isn't empty.
"Hot, humid" weather in Colorado is like the one cool day of Spring weather in Gunma.
All the TVs at the gym broadcast in English, which means I can understand all of them...and it's information/stimuli overload.
I miss karaoke.
Horrible Japanese fashion has invaded and is being sold and worn in America.
There are so many overweight people. Many very overweight!
Most guys at the gym are huge...with muscles.
Only a few of the people working out at the gym here look anorexic...whereas in Japan, MANY do!
I naturally walked around the gym locker room barefoot while carrying my shoes. ;) Then I realized I had to put them back on because they were the only ones I had...there wouldn't be another pair waiting for me near the gym door.
It felt really awkward to wear my shoes into the dressing rooms at Old Navy and the alterations shop.
People are really nice! (But the ones who aren't are direct about it!)
Life is easy here. So easy. Too easy?
I miss karaoke.
Sales tax is not included in the listed prices of items.
Sales tax is high.
When I get $100 out of the ATM, it is dispensed in 20s or 10s...not a $100 bill. I had forgotten that we don't deal with such large bills here...since people so often use debit and credit cards. I'm used to paying for my 450 yen white mocha with a 10,000 yen bill! I saw a sign at a coffee shop here that says they don't accept any bills over a 20! :O

There will be more to come...I'm sure...

Rules Rule Life in Japan

The rules in this country are truly hard to believe-- hard to believe what they are and how many there are. It's like the whole country (well, maybe mostly jr. high.....but not only jr. high!) is an altar boy boarding school. I'm not exaggerating. I mean if it wasn't my real life, I would not believe it. If I was reading this blog instead of writing it, I would definitely think it was just ridiculous. BUT, I hope that you will believe what you read, because it's true-- even though it's ridiculous.

Today I received the "Seasonal Change of Uniform" notice on my desk. Starting today, students are allowed to start transitioning from their winter uniforms to their spring/summer uniforms. This means that they can wear short sleeves if they want to, and girls don't have to wear their vests. This transition must be completed by June 13, meaning that after that date girls won't be allowed to wear vests anymore, and no one will be allowed to wear long sleeves. Even if we have cold weather. We've already had several days of weather in the high 70s, but no one was allowed to wear short sleeves because it wasn't one-week-before-June (i.e. May 23) yet. The acceptable uniforms are dictated by the typical weather patterns of the calendar, without regard for the actual weather conditions. Who thinks this makes sense? [NOTE: Short sleeve shirts and vests cannot be worn together. Vests are only permitted to be worn over long sleeve shirts.]

Other school rules include:
-No plucking or trimming your eyebrows. (This doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at school...It means you're not allowed to pluck or trim them at all-- not even at home.)
-Keep your fingernails clipped short. (Or else, you will be made to go to the staff room and clip them over the trash can before you can go back to class.)
-Girls whose hair is longer than shoulder-length must tie it back with an elastic-- or two, but not three-- that is either brown, black, or navy blue.
-No clipping your hair in the front.
-No perming or straightening your hair.
-No colored socks-- only white.
-During cold weather-- which according to the school calendar is Sept. 26-May 23-- if you wear a coat, gloves, or a scarf, they must be navy blue, black, gray, brown, or white.
-No bringing backpacks into the staff room.
-No wearing sports team uniforms in the staff room.
-Girls may not wear pants, except for when wearing sports uniforms.
-Boys must button their Mandarin collar suit jackets up all the way to the top button (or not wear them at all). If you take your jacket off, you must also take your sweater off because sweaters are not allowed to be seen, even though they're allowed to be worn.
-P.E. uniform jackets must be zipped up all the way to the top (or not worn at all).
-No going into any classroom other than your own.
-No spending the night at a friend's house.
-No going to an arcade without parent supervision.
-No stickers or key chains on school bags or gym bags.
-No food of any kind is allowed to be brought to school. (You must persevere through the hunger (and pay attention in class) for the approximately 5 hours between when you eat breakfast around 7 or 8, have morning tennis, soccer, baseball, or volleyball practice...maybe have P.E. and when you eat lunch at 12:55.)
-Mints are also strictly forbidden.
-Of course, no make-up, nail polish, or pierced ears.
-Even for teachers, there isn't supposed to be eating at school, other than lunch...Unless the food was given to you as a present from another staff member. [This loophole makes the whole rule even more incomprehensible.] **CONFESSION: I have actually snuck a Tupperware container of peanut butter toast into the bathroom at school and eaten it in the stall because I couldn't last the 6 hours between breakfast and lunch. WHAAAT?! Who does this?? This is my real life. This is my real life? This is my real life! OHmyGOSH. I'm always wishing that someone would bring back peanut butter toast for a staff room present.

I think there are many dozen more school rules, but many of them have become so commonplace to me now that I can't even remember them. OH! I almost forgot...There is a new school rule this year: Girls are not allowed to wear short socks. Of all the rules, this one brought the biggest surprise recently. I thought we already had every conceivable rule, but some teachers managed to think up another one! Aah, one more...this is an elementary school rule: (Are you ready for this?! I can almost not even write it without laughing out loud at the absurdity of it.) No putting your hands in your pockets. (If you do, teachers may use packing tape to seal your pockets shut.)

Outside of school there are innumerable societal expectations that regulate everyone's lives, even though they may not be written.
-Be quiet on trains.
-No eating or drinking on trains.
-No eating or drinking while walking.
-Water is mainly for washing, not drinking. You are allowed to drink water, but you will get questions and strange looks. And if you order it at Starbucks, they will give you a 2 oz. shot of water, which you will have already drunk by the time you walk to your table.
-At staff dinner parties and other official functions, there is to be no drinking before the official "kampai" (cheers). Even if you're thirsty and there is a beverage in front of you, you may not take a sip.
-Women should not sit cross-legged when sitting on the floor in restaurants or homes. Sit in seiza. **NOTE from Wikipedia: "Those unfamiliar with seiza will likely find that maintaining it for more than a minute or two tends to lead to loss of circulation, with the accompanying 'pins and needles' feeling, followed by painful burning sensations, and then eventually complete numbness in the legs." Awesome.
-Wearing sunglasses is really, really unusual, so if you wear them, you will definitely get lots of comments about how cool you are and how you look like a Hollywood star. You will have to explain again and again and again how light-colored eyes are more sensitive to the sun...and contort your face to demonstrate how if you're not wearing sunglasses you have to squint when it's bright outside. All of this is just embarrassing. Especially because it's really frowned upon in this culture to draw attention to yourself. (As though you're wearing sunglasses in an attempt to draw attention to yourself and make everyone think you're ultra cool!) ;D

It's hard for me to recall all the rules and expectations that used to be news to me but now just seem normal. ;D The rules in Japan that make me the most crazy are the post office rules. They require an entry of their own. Stay tuned...

The base of the lighthouse is the darkest.

Yesterday on her way past my desk and out of the staff room to go to the weekly staff meeting (which I don't attend), 荒木先生 Araki Sensei said-- in her endearing way-- "Mya, bye." = ) Then 藤井先生 Fujii Sensei followed and raised her hand in a dramatic wave and proudly busted out the three words of English she knows, "See you again!" This was the happiest moment of my day. I had actually had a good day with many happy moments, but this surpassed them. To be called by name...to be addressed by someone who doesn't have a specific need to talk to me, but does anyway...these are the makings of a happy moment. It reminded me of my trip home during Christmas...and that I still haven't written about it.

Each time I go home-- to the States-- I notice something different...things I never noticed when I lived there...things for which I previously had no lens of comparison through which I could see them. At one of the first training seminars I went to soon after arriving in Japan the keynote speaker said, "The base of the lighthouse is darkest." At the time, I considered it for a moment and thought it was kinda interesting...kinda. Now, 2 1/2 years later, after having gone back and forth between Japanese life/culture and American life/culture several times, I'm blown away by the reality of this comparison. My experience in Japan can now light the base of the lighthouse of my American life experience. This past trip home the thing that stood out to me most was HOW FRIENDLY AMERICANS ARE!!! I mean, seriously! I was really in disbelief! えっ！　アメリカ人はいつもこんなにフレンドリーだったん？！ Woah! Have Americans always been this friendly?!

I went to the dentist-- a new dentist, whose office I'd never been to before-- on Friday, the day after I arrived in the States. Then I had to go back on Monday for a follow-up visit. When I walked into the dentist office Monday morning, the receptionist immediately beamed, "Hi Mya! How was your weekend?" !!! "Hi Mya...How was your weekend?"...!!???! NO ONE EVER says that to me! (Well, actually...two of my closest friends here, Matsumura San and Shiyo, both of whom have lived in the States, do ask me.) Within a few minutes the dental office staff knew more about me than the people I work with and sit next to in my Japanese school staff room EVERY DAY. Crazy! I was soooo happy! This was THE BEST way to start off my time at home in the States. It was a striking reawakening of my senses to the friendliness and openness of Americans.

When I went to the bank to exchange my ￥ for $, both tellers who helped me asked right away if I had come from Japan...how long I've been here...what it's like to be in Japan...if the shopping is good...what I do here...if I can speak Japanese. "Wow! That must be so exciting!" they said. One of them told me all about the experience she and her husband had when they lived overseas many years ago. I thought to myself: 'Personal interactions like this would never happen in a Japanese bank.' (Although, if I-- a blond foreigner-- initiated such conversations with Japanese bank staff, they may go along with it. If they're extremely friendly by Japanese standards, they'll think of a question to ask in response to me initiating a conversation.)

As my dad and I were walking out of the bank my dad said, "Hi", to a lady we passed. I knew he didn't know her. Well...I thought he probably didn't know her....But....he just said, "Hi", to her...it seems like he must know her...no I'm sure he doesn't...my dad's just friendly...but, REALLY? I couldn't completely convince myself and fight off the temptation to ask, "Do you know her?" Of course the answer was, "No". Of course, but still hard to believe. Americans say, "Hi", to people they don't know. Again, Japanese strangers greet me-- a blond foreigner who gives them a chance to put to use the English words they remember from jr. high-- but I don't think they ever do this with each other. And unless they're obaasans or ojiisans (around retirement age or older), according to my Japanese teacher, they probably think I'm strange if I greet them first.

I love when Araki Sensei talks to me. She uses a few words of English, and I can tell she's happy to connect with me. She'll never know how much of an impact those few words and her smile have on me-- an American working in Japan...the only American in our school-- surrounded by 580 Japanese staff and students every day.

Some thoughts on education...

One of the reasons I came to Japan was to learn about the education system and to compare/contrast it w/ the American system. Surprisingly, there’s almost nothing to compare and almost everything to contrast. When teachers and students here ask me how American school is different than Japanese school, I am totally at a loss. ‘Um…in America, kids and teachers don’t clean the school. Someone does that as a job.’ …‘Students don’t wear uniforms.’ And that’s about as far as I get—those two overt differences. Yet in reality, the things that are the same barely number over two, while the things that are different make up the overwhelming majority of the aspects of American school and Japanese school. It's just hard to explain most of the other differences to people who don't know any system other than this one; for me, the second part of that challenge is to explain in a way that doesn't sound critical. Not to mention, I'd have to explain these complicated, delicate issues in very basic English or risk-ridden Japanese (I say "risk-ridden" because of the high chance of sounding offensive in this language that has soo many rules and formulas for showing respect and communicating indirectly, especially with a message that could potentially be taken as negative). No one ever asks me, “Mya, what’s the same about American school and Japanese school?” Presumably, it’s because they expect that most things are the same and few things are different. Subconsciously this must have been what I thought, too, before coming here and entering the world of Japanese education by becoming an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher). Ha! I can’t believe I ever thought that! It's laughable now. If anyone ever did ask me about the similarities between the education systems of our two countries, I could give a complete answer in about 20 seconds. ‘There are students and teachers. There are desks and chairs. Teachers write on chalkboards……[14 seconds remain, so I’m wracking my brain for other things that are the same.] ….There is a lunch break (though almost everything about them is different from the other country). There is bullying (though in America, it’s not acceptable for teachers to bully). There are parent/teacher/student conferences……[9 seconds left…???? That’s all I’ve got.]

I have thought several times that this job would be a lot easier if I wasn’t a teacher…if I didn’t have any background in education…if I hadn’t studied any classroom mgmt. strategies, child psychology, assessment, lesson plan design, etc. etc. Like, if I was just some engineering major who wanted to come experience Japan and so I decided to apply to be an ALT and hang out in Japanese school for a bit, I think I’d be way less appalled and frustrated than I often am. I wouldn’t have so many defined expectations about what education should look like or even what its purpose is. One of my friends here, Rocio, who is from Spain, recently told me about a book she’s been reading. It’s about Japanese society, and specifically, she was talking about the education portion of the book. It says: the purpose of Japanese education is to create Japanese people. !!! This made SO MUCH make sense! SO MUCH sense. It was as if all the lights in Tokyo—well, that’s a lot of lights! …so, maybe not quite that many...it was as if all the lights in Tokyo Disney Land came on in my head! I’m often frustrated and shocked and baffled at what I see in the education system here, because I’m evaluating it and analyzing it through the filter of what is considered right by American education standards. BUT when Rocio told me that, I realized that the purposes of American education and Japanese education are entirely different [even if upon further consideration it could be determined that one of the key purposes of American education is to create Americans-- people who think as Americans, work as Americans, communicate, express their opinions, balance their time, hang out, ask questions, love, apologize as Americans-- as we do all of these things in vastly different ways than Japanese people do them], so it doesn’t make sense for me to judge the system here through the lens of the American system. I felt SUCH relief. In an instant it was as though a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I no longer have to try to make sense out of the countless disparities I encounter every day. (sigh) :)

However, today was a day of extreme dissatisfaction with “the system” of English education in Japan (guess I haven’t really shed my American education lens! ;D)…which is what prompted me to start writing...but I’ll have to save the details for another sitting. I’m going to Matsumoto Castle (松本城) in Nagano Prefecture (長野県) EARLY (ugh!) tomorrow morning with one of the 9^th grade math teachers, Nakayama Sensei (中山先生), and his daughter. So for now…I’ll just leave you with two final things to consider:

A quote from Japan’s first minister of Education, Mori Arinori, 1885: “In the administration of all schools, it must be kept in mind that what is to be done is not for the sake of the pupils, but for the sake of the country.”

And on a lighter note, something I learned from Shimoda Sensei (下田先生) during 9^th grade English today: Only 3% of our communication is verbal. (I was pretty stunned when I heard her say this in 1^st period, and I thought maybe I misunderstood her Japanese…so I listened more carefully in 6^th period…and she said the same thing! Can you believe it?! I think I’ll have to do some investigating before I do.)

RE: Another page from my school journal

Thinking back to my post from January 21st, it's quite astounding to realize the resilience of the human spirit. We often hear people who've recently returned from missions trips and relief trips say that when they've given basic items and simple toys to people in destitute situations, the recipients are overjoyed as though they were receiving something far greater than what they actually did receive. It seems to me that going without something for awhile diminishes the expectation for it-- and thus the disappointment at not having it, and correspondingly increases the joy when (if) that thing is received. A year and a half ago when I worked in America, it wouldn't have been thrilling and journal-worthy to have a colleague call me by name and say bye to me before going home at the end of the day. BUT, now, it's one of my best memories of my time in Japan! I have come to expect people to ignore me and pass me in silence at school. So, Takei Sensei's very unexpected good-bye was impacting and memorable. Wow! It's pretty amazing how God has made us like this...adaptable, able to adjust as needed to survive!

Another page from my school journal

1/6/10
3:28 and 57 seconds p.m.

Happiest moment of my day!!! Takei Sensei said, "Mya, さよなら (sayonara)" when leaving. I am the only one he greeted by name or specific comment even though other teachers were close by. :) (Life as a foreigner is soooo strange, ね?! I can't believe how happy such an interaction can make me.)

Re-entry into Japanese Life, part 2

Upon my re-entry into Japanese school life I was INSTANTLY bombarded with the awkwardness, intensified from it's initial shock because I wasn't expecting it at all this time...I wasn't on guard-- anticipating culture shock at every turn like when I first came here. How quickly I had forgotten! For two weeks (while home for break) there was no hint of awkwardness or internal wrestling regarding how to deal with it, how to respond. Then-- like a time-travel instant transplantation, I'm right back in it! Shohei not even looking up to make eye contact when I walk in to take my seat across from him, where our faces will be 4 1/2 feet apart for the next 7 hours-- let alone saying "Hi" or "How was your trip?" Later came the uncomfortable uncertainty of wanting to go to lunch but feeling trapped because it seems like I should say something-- like, "I'm going to get lunch"...and, best case scenario (i.e. most naturally me), "Do you want me to bring you anything?" But, but no one does that, so then the other option-- which is probably (apparently!) not uncomfortable for anyone but me-- is to leave without a word. After several minutes of considering...and killing time...hoping everyone else will just leave before me-- and even though that will present an additional awkward situation itself, it will be more manageable than the current situation-- so that I won't have to make either choice, I just leave in silence. (Oh! Life is too short for me to spend such exhaustive time on such inconsequential matters.)

From my school journal

Today in my school journal I wrote, "I feign boredom. Even though I am excited to see people." This is because people here generally don't greet each other warmly on a daily basis...so I will seem.....what?? weird? over the top? needy? different?-- if I show my honest happiness at seeing my co-workers. 'Why does it matter, though?', I thought. I am determined to be authentic with people even though its expression will be noticeably different than everyone else-- which is looked upon unfavorably in this culture-- because despite being different I don't think it could legitimately be categorized as offensive. It might be categorized as weird...but I'm hoping just for "different"...for "pleasantly surprising"...for Japanese people to know that I really am happy to see them, that they are important-- even if no one else lets them know that.

Lessons in Communication

I have learned about so many aspects of communication this year. The "Communicator" IB (International Baccalaureate) Profile card that used to hang in my classroom flashes in my memory time and time again. I keep thinking that I will be a better IB teacher or any teacher after this time in Japan. I guess, though, the point of the IB Profile of Communicator is to develop not teachers who can teach communication, but people who can communicate...which is something I can do better than I did a year ago.

Lessons:

#1. If+I+want+your+help+I+will+tell+you. does not equal "If I want your help I will tell you."

I was SO shocked when one of the English teachers gave this reply when I offered to help her with a project that was keeping her busy. After about an hour of replaying the scene in my mind and trying to process my feelings-- of shock, hurt, annoyance-- I suddenly realized that to a non-native speaker of English, those words mean just what they say...that if she wanted my help.....she'd tell me. To native speakers-- in this case, me-- that sentence means more than the sum total of its parts. It means, "I DON'T want or need your help!! Back off!" Languages are tough.

#2. To communicate in Japanese I have to use more than Japanese words. I have to use a Japanese mind.

When I ask a Starbucks employee if they have Chai Cream Frappuchinos, and she responds by saying that they have Chai Tea Lattes...and then I say (using Japanese words), "So you don't have them?", forcing her to clarify by saying, "No", I am not speaking Japanese. I am using Japanese words to speak English, which is direct-- and entirely un-Japanese-- and which coerces a Japanese service industry employee into saying "No"-- which is even less Japanese.

#2b. To speak a foreign language, you can't just think of what you want to say in your own language and translate it into the same words in the foreign language and then say them.

When people say, "Thank you" to me I often reply with, "Of course!" If someone thanks me in Japanese, and I reply with the Japanese word for "of course", I sound dumb. Correspondingly, if Japanese people in America directly translated the Japanese words they want to say into English words, we'd have people walking into my American elementary school greeting Shannon and Nancy by saying, "I am under your care." Whaaaat?! That's crazy talk! "I am under your care??!!" What does that even mean?!

#4. It is impossible to understand Japanese people better by intently watching their lips.

If I'm having trouble hearing someone who's speaking English in a quiet voice or trouble understanding someone who speaks Engish with a think Irish accent, I can improve my comprehension by watching and semi-reading their lips. This does NOT work in Japanese. It is unnecessary and even strange to move your mouth much when speaking Japanese.

#5. Personality is largely expressed through communication.

Before this year I think I would have said that "personality" is how someone acts. Not being able to easily communicate with people around me-- because my Japanese skills are rudimentary, as are their English skills-- has produced a quieter version of Mya. It's a Mya who doesn't feel like the real me, a me who feels trapped in a personality that is not my own-- a quiet, non-joking, non-friendly Mya. Which really isn't a Mya at all. It's hard to be me when I can't communicate with words.

Nice Color

Wednesday when I walked into first period, one of my JTEs (Japanese Teacher of English) said: "nice color!", referring to my scarf. What she really meant: "You're not allowed to wear a scarf to class." aaagh! I can see why there are so many weird foreigners here!!! Japan makes foreigners act weird... The vast, VAST difference between communication styles and human interactions/relationships here versus in Western countries screws with your thinking and your sense of normality. It's so disorienting. I just want to be myself, but everyday I face situations where I'm not myself, or I have to wrestle internally to be myself. It's bizarre. This depresses me. ...for a couple reasons...one, I don't want to be one of those annoying and socially awkward foreigners in Japan, and two, I want to be able to live here for a substantial amount of time (I don't know what "substantial" means at this point...but at least a couple years, huh?) and be real, be normal, be me. I can't last here if I'm always mentally and emotionally struggling with being NOTICEABLY different-- being a foreigner. Comments like "nice color" make me so paranoid.....does anyone really mean what they say here? Does anyone say what they really mean? Being visible at all times creates a strange dynamic. I sometimes feel like I'm being stared at.....but then that just seems self-centered, to go around assuming that people are looking at you. Weekly though, students and other people I meet comment on my looks, "Your hair is like yaki soba. We're having yaki soba for lunch today.", "Your hair is NATURALLY curly??! Urayamashi! [I'm envious.], "Are you wearing contacts? Colored contacts?", "Are your eyelashes real? They're so long.", "You have a really high nose"--(which to an American is not a compliment, and I really didn't know what to say when this comment was made...but it was followed up with the statement that Japanese people like high noses better than their own, typically more flat noses).....As I was saying, I hate having a self-centered attitude, thinking that people are always staring at me...but frequent comments such as these consistently remind me that I don't blend in in this predominately racially homogeneous population. Sometimes I move beyond this and subconsciously think that I blend in, and then 4 seconds later I will hear someone shout "Hello!" to me, and when I look to see who it is, I discover it's a stranger-- someone I've never seen in my life. 'Why are random high school students shouting "Hello" to me as I pass by on my bike?', I wonder. I then realize it's because they notice I'm white and presume I speak English. Or one of my friends will come up behind me as I'm running on the elliptical machine at the gym and say, "It's so easy to spot you in the row of people working out." Being the only non-Asian, non-dark-haired person in an ice skating rink a couple weekends ago was a really strange feeling...just being in a contained room where everyone was either skating around in circles with nothing in particular to look at or sitting in the bleachers watching everyone else skate around in circles...I was so obvious. The other night I was riding my bike home from the gym in the dark, and I had my hood on and my hair tucked into it. A couple boys (who I don't know) said, "Hello", as they approached me. Whaaaat?! How could they possibly tell that I was not Japanese? It was dark and I was wearing a hood! I'm so baffled by this. Anyways, being so conspicuous makes me very aware of my actions. When I drink water while walking down the street, I'm noticed. When I eat an un-cut apple outside the train station, I'm noticed. When I wear a scarf at school, I'm noticed. I guess anyone doing these unorthodox (ha! LOL!) things here would be noticed...but at home I would never be detected for doing these things--not only because no one cares if you drink while walking, eat un-cut apples, or wear a scarf...but also because I look similar to many other people. Receiving a compliment as an attempt to indirectly draw my attention to what everyone else has apparently already noted-- I'm wearing a scarf-- makes me so concerned about what other seemingly normal and presumably unnoticeable things I do that are actually glaringly obvious scenarios in which I'm going against the rules and cultural norms here.

Recipe for Life in Japan

One day at school 3 months ago I was struck with several pervasive elements of Japanese life that are relatively non-existent in American life. I felt boxed in on every side. I pulled out my school journal and wrote

blood types
rules
speeches
rules
rules

no scarves. no watches (at school).? no water bottles at elementary lunch. no buying (!! buying?!) tortillas [at a Mexican restaurant] alone without having them cooked with something else. I'm surprised they don't say, "No curly hair."

Dear Teachers

I wrote this letter at school one day a couple months ago.

November 26th, 2008

Dear Teachers,
Here's what I want you to know:
(and if you gave me the trademark-of-Japanese-life opportunity to give a speech, and if I was in fact able to leap the language barrier [and, OF COURSE, the cultural politeness barrier, which-- honestly-- would require me to be an Olympian pole vaulter] and say what I really mean, this is what I'd tell you...)

I think it's weird that you don't say "hi" when you see me for the first time in a day-- that you walk right past without acknowledging me. I think it's weird that you seem to enjoy talking to me and you will talk and laugh with me throughout the day one day and then not say anything to me the next. I don't understand why you don't ask me questions...like "How was your weekend?" (or "When is your birthday?") I just can't read you. What do you think of me, I wonder... Do you think I'm loud and so you don't want to talk to me because I might draw attention with my loud voice (by Japanese standards) and laugh (which, I admit, is loud by any standards)? Do I annoy you? Do you really not ask each other these questions either? Because that's how it seems, but that seems unbelievable!

Approximately a month after writing this letter (which, really, was brewing in me for soo long), I realized and found out some things that are helpful. 1. It occurred to me one day how inadequate the Japanese translation for "How are you?" is. "Genki desu ka?" literally means, "Are you well/healthy/energetic?" So it's a yes or no question. It doesn't avail anyone the opportunity to say how they really are. When I ask a Japanese person "O-genki desu ka?" I really mean, 'Are you enjoying today? Is everything okay with your family? Do you have a busy week? Is there something you're excited about? Sad about? What's new?' but I get merely a 'yes' or 'no' and sometimes not even that...about a third of the time I get only a 'thank you for asking'. 2. I told my friend, Shiyo, the same thing I said in the letter. She went to college in the States for a semester, so she knows some about American social culture. And she is an open-minded person, so I figured she could handle it and not be offended. She said, "We don't have such a culture" [to ask "How are you?"]. She continued, "We say 'good morning', but we don't ask each other how we're doing." (This confirmed what I thought to be true...because I never hear anyone asking each other...yet it just seemed unfathomable, so I thought I just must not understand those conversations...like maybe they were asking each other in a different way, using words I don't know.) I further explained to her that it's really strange to me that when I ask "How are you?" in English, people usually just say "fine" and nothing more-- which is what you'd typically say to someone you really don't want to talk to. "When you ask a Japanese person how they are, they don't know what to say", she explained. Basically she said that since they don't ask each other that question, they have no repertoire of responses-- especially in English. These 2 things helped me feel much relieved about this daily issue. Yet, though I now know I'm not being singled out to be ignored, I still feel isolated when the people by whom I'm surrounded daily don't engage me in intentional conversation. It's so different. This is culture shock.