Students Like Robbers Better Than Me

Tonight was the end-of-the-year enkai (dinner party) for my jr. high school. The 1st year (American 7th grade) teachers did all the planning, and they included a student survey quiz show as part of the entertainment. We, the staff, had to try to guess what the students, who had been previously surveyed, said were the "Besto Five" (that's Japanese-English pronunciation for "Best Five") things that happened at our school this year. #1 - 30th Anniversary Celebration, #2 - Culture Festival, #3 - Field Day, #5 - Mya came to our school. :) Wow! I couldn't believe it when I heard the quiz show MC say my name! But then when he opened the #5 game board window to reveal the answer, there it was in Japanese-- my name! Cool!

#4 was - Robbers broke into the school in the middle of the night.

I WAS BEAT OUT OF THE #4 SPOT BY VANDALS!!?? HAHA! I'm not sure which part I liked more-- the surprise and heartwarming feeling of actually making the list, OR the hilarity of being edged out of the #4 spot because, although students think that me coming to their school is amongst the Best 5 things that happened to them this year, they like the fact that vandals broke in better. ;D

Nice Color

Wednesday when I walked into first period, one of my JTEs (Japanese Teacher of English) said: "nice color!", referring to my scarf. What she really meant: "You're not allowed to wear a scarf to class." aaagh! I can see why there are so many weird foreigners here!!! Japan makes foreigners act weird... The vast, VAST difference between communication styles and human interactions/relationships here versus in Western countries screws with your thinking and your sense of normality. It's so disorienting. I just want to be myself, but everyday I face situations where I'm not myself, or I have to wrestle internally to be myself. It's bizarre. This depresses me. ...for a couple reasons...one, I don't want to be one of those annoying and socially awkward foreigners in Japan, and two, I want to be able to live here for a substantial amount of time (I don't know what "substantial" means at this point...but at least a couple years, huh?) and be real, be normal, be me. I can't last here if I'm always mentally and emotionally struggling with being NOTICEABLY different-- being a foreigner. Comments like "nice color" make me so paranoid.....does anyone really mean what they say here? Does anyone say what they really mean? Being visible at all times creates a strange dynamic. I sometimes feel like I'm being stared at.....but then that just seems self-centered, to go around assuming that people are looking at you. Weekly though, students and other people I meet comment on my looks, "Your hair is like yaki soba. We're having yaki soba for lunch today.", "Your hair is NATURALLY curly??! Urayamashi! [I'm envious.], "Are you wearing contacts? Colored contacts?", "Are your eyelashes real? They're so long.", "You have a really high nose"--(which to an American is not a compliment, and I really didn't know what to say when this comment was made...but it was followed up with the statement that Japanese people like high noses better than their own, typically more flat noses).....As I was saying, I hate having a self-centered attitude, thinking that people are always staring at me...but frequent comments such as these consistently remind me that I don't blend in in this predominately racially homogeneous population. Sometimes I move beyond this and subconsciously think that I blend in, and then 4 seconds later I will hear someone shout "Hello!" to me, and when I look to see who it is, I discover it's a stranger-- someone I've never seen in my life. 'Why are random high school students shouting "Hello" to me as I pass by on my bike?', I wonder. I then realize it's because they notice I'm white and presume I speak English. Or one of my friends will come up behind me as I'm running on the elliptical machine at the gym and say, "It's so easy to spot you in the row of people working out." Being the only non-Asian, non-dark-haired person in an ice skating rink a couple weekends ago was a really strange feeling...just being in a contained room where everyone was either skating around in circles with nothing in particular to look at or sitting in the bleachers watching everyone else skate around in circles...I was so obvious. The other night I was riding my bike home from the gym in the dark, and I had my hood on and my hair tucked into it. A couple boys (who I don't know) said, "Hello", as they approached me. Whaaaat?! How could they possibly tell that I was not Japanese? It was dark and I was wearing a hood! I'm so baffled by this. Anyways, being so conspicuous makes me very aware of my actions. When I drink water while walking down the street, I'm noticed. When I eat an un-cut apple outside the train station, I'm noticed. When I wear a scarf at school, I'm noticed. I guess anyone doing these unorthodox (ha! LOL!) things here would be noticed...but at home I would never be detected for doing these things--not only because no one cares if you drink while walking, eat un-cut apples, or wear a scarf...but also because I look similar to many other people. Receiving a compliment as an attempt to indirectly draw my attention to what everyone else has apparently already noted-- I'm wearing a scarf-- makes me so concerned about what other seemingly normal and presumably unnoticeable things I do that are actually glaringly obvious scenarios in which I'm going against the rules and cultural norms here.