My Perfectionism is Unglued

"Are you good at gluing?"

This is a real question asked to me by one of my JTEs (Japanese Teacher of English) this week. I offered to help her glue the covers onto the songbooks she had copied for the 9th grade teachers (including me! Yaaay!) to use when we sang at the Farewell Assembly for the 9th graders, who are graduating next week. I wanted to believe that this question was a joke.....but I didn't really think it was. Despite it being a serious question, I couldn't think of a serious way to respond. All I came up with was an out-loud-laugh and a sarcastic, "Yes, I'm an expert at it." ;D I mean, seriously!! Are you kidding me?!?! AM I GOOD AT GLUING??? Do you think I'm an idiot? Apparently. Do you have any idea about my life? I am a trained teacher. I moved halfway around the world by myself. I live in a foreign culture where everything is complicated and hard to understand. Do you have any idea what I did to get this job? I completed a quarter-inch thick application-- including essays, recommendation letters, transcripts, fingerprints, a background check by the FBI-- in triplicate. I was interviewed intensely by a panel at the Japanese consulate who asked me everything from how I feel about women's rights...and how I'd feel about being asked to serve tea...to how I'd adjust to the role of assisting teachers in their classrooms when I was accustomed to being an independent teacher in my own classroom...how I'd introduce myself to students in simple English...and how I'd explain American foreign policy to Japanese high school students with limited English ability. I was all of a sudden confronted with one of the interviewers speaking Japanese to me-- Japanese that I didn't understand. But nowhere in that insanely long screening and selection process was I ever asked, "Are you good at gluing?"

Like I mentioned in my previous post, this experience in Japan has helped me recognize my own culture. And I think it is actually one of the best things about this whole experience-- partly because it was so unexpected...and partly because this overarching knowledge will affect the rest of my life. I mean, I came to Japan expecting to learn about Japanese culture and Japanese people's ways of doing things, but it has come as a really big surprise to me that I've learned so much about American culture and myself. A great surprise! =)

And in the case of Ms. AreYouGoodAtGluing-- a terrible surprise. ;[ This is a teacher who is an eXtReMe perfectionist. (Except of course when it comes to creating worksheets with awkward and wrong English and THEN asking me to check them 5 minutes before class, and when I point out 2 or 3 of the several English problems, responding with, "Well, I've already copied them, so I can't change it." When I dare to point out one more serious error that shouldn't be presented to students on a worksheet, she says, defensively, "Okay, that's enough.") Anyways, back to the point. This is a teacher who thinks that her way of doing things is the right way and that no one else can do as good of a job as her. So even if I am good at gluing, if it's not her way of gluing, it's not acceptable. We recently started a point card system where kids can earn stamps on their point card if they answer questions in class or initiate English conversation outside of class. She was really reluctant to allow me to stamp kids' cards instead of telling her who initiated English conversation so she could stamp their cards. Sometimes I do stamp their cards, but if she's around I'm a bit nervous about it. (!!!) Tolerating such condescending, micromanaging, I-can't-trust-you-with-anything treatment from her for the past 2 years has been terrible! Being a semi-perfectionist, like-to-have-things-done-my-way, excessively-attentive-to-inconsequential-details-person myself, I can relate to this teacher. THIS is terrible...to realize that I have been guilty of making other people feel as terrible as she makes me feel. UGH!! Working with her and being on the other side of the situation has been like a mirror reflecting the light back to the base of my light house (see post from Feb. 9). It makes me want to abandon my tendency toward very specific expectations and give people the trust and freedom to do things their way, even if it's not my way. Even though I REALLY like details to be attended to in certain ways ;D I REALLY, REALLY never want to make anyone feel like this perfectionist makes me feel. Although this isn't a lesson in American culture, it is a valuable lesson about myself...and I'm thankful for the experience.