today at the copier

oh gosh-- there are a million stories i wanted to tell in order to "catch up" to life now. but it's not realistic at this point, so i'm just gonna tell current stories and fill in the others when i have free time.

today. today was the first day that some of my students-- 9th graders-- found out the results of their first entrance exams for high school. ugh! i was worried about them while i was home on break-- knowing that by the time i arrived back, some of them would have already taken their first exam-- which to them is (seemingly) the most crucial moment of their lives. the stress!!! they must study like crazy, CRAZY to get into a good high school so they can get into a good college so they can get a job at a good company and be secure for the rest of their lives. (this is what they think. i think this is what they think.) aaah! they're 14 and 15! they're kids, but the stress and pressure they feel FAR surpasses their years. (sigh) it makes me really sad. i asked many of them, yesterday and today, if they'd taken their first exam yet, and if so, how it went. almost everyone said the exams were very difficult. one of the top students (well, i think he's a top student...because he speaks english very well, and i figure english must be the toughest subject they have) told me that he didn't pass his exam. i was really shocked. i didn't know what to say...he was obviously really disheartened. i asked Sutou Sensei-- the 9th grade english teacher-- about it later, and she said he didn't even know the test results yet, that he must have just been worried that he didn't pass, so he said he didn't. i was relieved, yet even more stunned...that his discouraged response wasn't even based on fact, just his intense fear of not passing. Sutou Sensei thinks he'll pass; i really REALLY hope so. man, i am overwhelmed FOR these kids. the fatalistic mindset of "pass these exams, or fail life" seems pretty prevalently held. it just so happened-- to my great delight, yet coinciding discomfort-- that i needed to make copies (at the copy machine near Kochoo Sensei's (principal) office door) this afternoon at the same time that students were going in one-by-one to receive their results...i got to watch their faces as they emerged from his office. some were beaming smiles. others were stunned...faces pink with embarassment. some hung their heads. Shiro saw me looking through the window from the copier into the hall, and when i raised my eyebrows at him to ask, "so...???" he gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. :) YESSSS!!!! i was sooo thrilled! Achi exchanged happy bows (the verb: bow, rhyming with cow; not something girls wear in their hair) with a couple teachers who happened to be in the hall when he passed by. i was happy, and not at all surprised. i think he'd pass any test he took. Kouki talked with Sutou Sensei and Suzuki Sensei in the hall for quite awhile. his face was serious, and so were theirs. were they giving him advice?-- i wondered. options for what to do now?-- now that he likely didn't pass his first exam. i was really thankful that i needed to be at the copier at that time, because otherwise i would have just been sitting at my desk staring longingly through the window, wishing i had a better view of what was going on. it was like a roller coaster ride. exciting and terrifying. i mean, my heart sank when i saw those faces of defeat. i love these kids. i so want them to know the peace of Jesus deep in their hearts and to know that their worth and identity really aren't at all about whether the test results are 良かった (yokatta) or だめです (dame desu).